Dear Reader:
I have tried to adhere to my goal of writing blogs from time to time. However, it never works out. I suppose it boils down to writing something really significant and never really achieving that. Anyway, who cares. Trying to second guess yourself becomes a bigger chore than the writing. I deleted my former blogs and have chosen this one as the one that will finally put to rest all the things in my life that have troubled me for so long.
The thoughts have continously bounced around in my head for a long, long time and there is a need to move on. In essence, I am leaving anger, frustration, victimization, struggle and my former self behind. I am moving towards a higher spiritual plain. I have to. Being mired in the past and other people's games is really no healthy place to be. I have been guilty of caring too much and i just can't do it anymore. It always winds up hurting me. But, I don't want to become overly serious in writing this. My goal is to be objective and not to judge anyone. That frees me to a point that I can relate the following from a new point of view. I've earned that much at least.
The following is a true experience that I've been through. It's not made up. A long time ago I was accused of being a walking time bomb, a threat, crazy and whatever label you want to put on somebody for your own purpose. Perhaps it's to convince the world how right and justified you are by doing what you do, or acting as you do. It's o.k. I was forced to go through an extremely stressful time. And I do suffer from emotional problems which made it more traumatic. But, I would never think of hurting anyone physically. It has never been part of my make up. However, one is never protected from enforced insanity but I've survived it somehow.
I have tried, through the years, to move this situation to a better place only to be struck down time and time again. As you might have guessed, this led to a lot of anger and frustration. Feeling I had been taken advantage of, I proceeded to try and break free of it. Unfortunately, it was never my intent to hurt anyone. But, I reacted from being hurt. It was my mistake and relying on our institutions to act in fairness was a mistake from the beginning. Thus, one learns.
The following, although it seems way out there and you may doubt my sanity, is the truth and very real. I think that the reason why the unrelenting accusations of my mental state, was so that you don't believe this. Whether you do or not is your own choice. My goal is to finally get this out of my system and move on.
There is a saying, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", and, take my word, it is true. If you were to tell me the hell would last over 20 years I would probably say never. However, it did and this is a good-bye to all that. Anyway, let's get to the facts, shall we? After all, you don't have all day to read this and forgive me for taking up your time. But, it's worth it as you shall see. There is much more to this situation, however, if I tell you all aspects we would be here forever. Thus, I will give you the main points.
This summer, I wrote to my ex brother-in-law requesting a talk with him. I didn't receive a yes or a no, only no response. I am not surprised because of all the training he received not to communicate. However, it's his loss since it would have been the most interesting and eye opening talk he'd get in his life. Regardless, what I wanted to tell him is included here.
Long ago, during a difficult summer, my wife ran away with my children. Admittedly, I suspect she was motivated by fear from someone, but I don't want to belabor the point. So, I came home to find her gone and I just sat there disillusioned and exhausted and defeated. I had tried so hard to communicate with her before this and all I received was silence. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what.
That evening I was alone. The light in the kitchen started blinking erraticaly. I don't know what I thought. Perhaps an electrical problem, but it was strange and eerie. A sense of fear came about. I felt uneasy and uncomfortable with no one there. I did not sleep well that night. I awoke at 6 am and put a cd on to play. After awhile, it strangely stopped dead. After a few hours in the late morning or early afternoon is when the fun began.
All of a sudden I felt this incredible force slam into me. Over and over again. It came in waves and it was all inside. By that I mean it wasn't a physical pushing. I didn't move. It was all felt inside. I tried to shake it off. Since then I believe it was trying to possess me somehow. It eventually stopped but there was a fear and dread that continued for many days. I could not sleep at night. This went on from Saturday until Wednesday. But, I dare not sleep unless this force comes back again.
I spent those days driving my mind to figure all this out. I knew something had been done to her but I just couldn't figure it out. Another fact of note: I wore a crucifix on a chain which was constantly breaking, For some reason, I had to keep that on and was panicky when it kept breaking. I suppose I saw it as a protection. By Monday my body was shaking to a point I could barely speak a sentence. I still stayed in the house until Wednesday when I was so tired and just had to leave the house. I had prayed for an answer and I was somehow compelled to leave.
Enter Michelle:
My sister had made an appointment to meet Michelle on Thursday. But I had to see her sooner than that. Michelle was a psychic and, as I was to learn, a damn good one at that. Long story short, Michelle had dropped to the floor with a brain anuerism and was rushed to the hospital. She was unconcious and almost dead and then was given the choice of coming back. Well, she chose to come back and when awoken found she had a talent which was hard to control. She eventually met a black woman who taught her how to use this new ability.
So, I went to see her. I shook her hand and she immediately screamed in pain like she got an electrical shock. I then went in for a reading. Now Michelle had the ability to read people by putting a piece of paper in her hand with people's names written on it. So I wrote my wife's name and a supposed friend's name on it. She held it in her hand for a few seconds and then, surprised, looked at me and said "how could you have let someone like this into your house"? She then went on, "he rooted her". I didn't exactly know what that was but I will explain later. She then said, "he paid a lot of money to mulatto jamaican voodoo priest to do this". I couldn't believe it. She then went on relaying thoughts in my wife's head and then gave me the knowledge to correct the house situation. In regards to the rooting, she said it had a bitter taste but I was still unsure what it was exactly.
In doing research, I believe that certain articles that a person possesses is taken to this priest, he concocts something, and then it's put in food or drink and given to the intended victim. What it does is bind that person to you. They become addicted to you. And, I believe, you then have some control over that person. I didn't make this up. It's all on the internet.
Michelle then told me what to do when I returned to the house. I had to perform a ritual in order to get "it" out of the house. I was frightened to return, but I did it and it worked. I could finally sleep in the house. So, in essence, I was led to find all this out. I didn't possess the knowledge on my own. Admittedly, this all seems fantastic, but it is true and it did happen.
Even though I had taken care of everything, I still had a wife that proceeded with divorce proceedings against me. Needless to say, I went through hell with this nonsense and furious with a ridiculously stupid court system. I think all the anger I've gone through all these years is because of the fact that nobody spoke to me and, thus, nobody knew it. The trick worked and nobody was wise to it. Quite a magician. And, what is a magician? He's someone who gets you to look at one hand while the other is doing a trick. In this case, everybody looked one way.
Some months later, I found something that was placed, hidden in the house. I found it quite by accident. I spied it out of the corner of my eye. Whatever "it" was, I believe it came from this object. There is much more to what happened, all interesting. But, the most important aspects are now revealed to you.
It ultimately doesn't matter whether or not you believe this. Like I said, it is true. The main thing, for me, is to finally relieve myself of this burden by writing it all down. In this sense, I can let it go. What I have come to find, finally, is that I am at peace with all this. I don't have any issues anymore, or anger with the people involved. It is over and done with and nothing I can do about it. I have been put through the most unpleasant situations over all these years and my triumph has been that I survived it all. I have always wanted things to be better, but there was never a meeting halfway given to me. No matter. I have achieved a place whereby I can't be hurt by this anymore. And it's a nice place to be. I hope you all reach this place, especially those who felt it justified to give me pain all these years. They need it the most.
Thanks for reading this. Now back to washing the clothes and doing chores.....
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