The title is actually a lyric to a song I heard recently. Of course, this also channels another favorite lyric of mine, which is, "the past ain't even worth livin' in, it's just a nail that keeps gettin' driven in". How true. But you know, as a human condition, I think we all are drawn to the past somehow. Common knowledge tells us that now is the only time. That is also true. We are not living in the past or the future but the "now".
Still, that doesn't mean that I don't miss people. I do. And all the connections and good times seem to fade in the mist because of circumstances or things that intrude on our lives. I sometimes feel very sad and very deeply over the times that have passed. But, you know, maybe the thought of me crosses their minds and they remember a good thing. I do know that I think of them.
Of late, I think my mind has gone through a revelation of sorts. I think it's due to change. Of growth of myself outside of the things that would hold me back. I suppose what I'm saying is that what I once thought was a tragedy in my life is actually a blessing. I didn't know it at the time. And, if I can follow through on this thought, what you think is best for yourself is not always what the universe intends for you.
A lot of realizations have come to me from the sub-concious to the concious mind this year. It keeps happening. And each time I inch a little bit closer to my higher self. It makes you see wider and beyond the crazy human limitations we all have to go through. You come away from this a bit more wiser and grateful for the treats, and yes trials, that face everyone.
Admittedly, my manic depression prevented me from moving on. But I finally got to the point whereby I can laugh at the attempts to make me feel guilty, or to take blame, or to categorize me as less than anyone else. It's tiring. I suppose I got tired of people who think, or impose their own views of who they think I am. They know nothing. And I finally convinced myself of the worth of my own vision.
I have moved on, you know, to that plateau whereby you can see everything. Where one is not confined by guilt or fear. And, it's ok if I'm here seeing it by myself. Eventually everyone will reach this wavelength. It's hard to explain vision, or what you know juxtaposed to someone else's take on things. Someone long ago told me that it depends on perception. And, yes it really does. But, in my case, I have seen manipulation of perception time and time again. I prefer to be real, and not play games at your expense. Believe me, I suppose I missed that learning a long time ago. I only wish I had the chance to correct some perceptions of me. But, life will certainly reveal all.
In the meanwhile, there is a reason why we love the people we've loved in life. It doesn't become less valid the more you live. It can change certainly. But you must grant that freedom because, even painful at times, that is still love in a way.
I am too old to carry grudges to the grave. I wish nothing but happiness to all I've known, to all I know now, and to all I'll know in the future. It is the best within me and I feel glad I got here.
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